stupid dreams

I had a dream last night that Mira was cheating on my and was happy about it. It was one of those really realistic dreams, where you wake up and it takes a few hours to sort out if it was real or not. I hate that kind of thing. Even on days that Mira and I don't get along as well, I know that there is a crazy bond between us that keeps things like that from happening. Mira wouldn't cheat. Neither would I. I wonder why we dream things like that? Why do we dream awful things, things we would never do. It makes no sense to me. It's easy to wake up discouraged. I had to spend a good amount of time praying in the car, but feel revived. God is love. thanks for the love this morning, God!

loveless

I remember a few weeks before Mira and I got married, various friends would say, "man, we gotta hang out this week before you're married and have no time," as to which I would reply, "stuff's not gonna change when we're married; we're still gonna be friends and hang out a lot."
I guess people act upon their stereotypes of people and situations, because it's ended up like that, but not on mira and my part. It's been weird to suddenly have no friends after 9 months; people we were really close to and care about being gone.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or whining; I think I've just needed to talk about it 'out loud' and haven't had a chance to get it off my chest. It's just weird never getting invited to things, never getting invited out to hang, or to have a beer with someone or whatever. We haven't stayed in all the time because we wanted to. We've just not had close friends anymore. I'm not sure what happened to all of them. All the people that we felt close to are in other worlds I guess; other close friends.

I guess God's just teaching us a lot on how to not depend on people or put our hope in them. That's super hard for me. I've always put a lot of hope and happiness in a tight friend circle. or music. or a billion other things. I guess I'm learning how to have hope in God, but it's honestly not very easy. God doesn't invite me over for beers very often, and when He does, sometimes our conversations are awkward.

Just praying for love and confidence in the cross and not in myself or others.
"It's ok to be lonely as long as you're free"
-Rich Mullins

Mirantines Day

Somedays it's the quiet, sad darkness of rain that makes me want to write, but I think today it's been the beautiful sun and the warm day in the middle of february, as well as the reflecting that happens on a day like valentines day, when you've been married (for 8 months!). 
     A few days ago, Mira and I got into a small argument, one that probably didn't mean anything at all, but reminded me of something. Mira and I hadn't been in any arguments in a long time. It actually seemed odd, arguing in a way that we did when we were younger, a way that happened quite frequently in our relationship. I realized it had been months and months since we had been in any fights, and weeks and weeks since even the smallest argument. I reckon I was just encouraged by the growth that has happened since our marriage, a growth that maybe I didn't notice outright, but has crept in slowly and sweetly. We are not the little kids we were before. Maybe parts of us cling to those kids, but we are growing into a man and woman, a single unit, that is not so easily taken to bickering and pride. 
I just thought I'd share this encouragement. Happy Valentines Day.